Do you have about a billion other things you should be doing? Watch the video below to learn how you can find more energy and more time to do what you actually want to do – not just what you think you should.
Do you ever hear yourself thinking thoughts like:
“I need to be more organized”
“I need to stop scrolling through Facebook”
“I need to get off the internet and get back into my work”
“I should exercise”
“I should start meditating”
“I should look at my goals”
“I should set goals”
“I should stop procrastinating”
If you are having any of these thoughts, what you are doing is “shoulding” all over yourself. And what does that result in? A big pile of “should” that tanks your energy. If you want to know how to get more energy, I’ll tell you right now it starts with “shoulding” on yourself.
So I’m gonna share with you how to turn that big pile of “should” into empowerment and more energy!
Beating Yourself Up
“Shoulding” on yourself is a problem for so many reasons. The most obvious problem for “shoulding” on yourself is that you feel like crap. That’s a funny parallel when you say that, right? So every time you say “I should,” or “I need to,” there is a level where you just start to beat yourself up.
There’s a level of shame, embarrassment, worry, etc. So the first reason that “shoulding” on yourself is horrible is because it makes you feel like crap. And underneath that, I wanna share with you what’s really going on.
Worst Case Scenario
That’s kind of the surface, the most obvious piece, but there’s more that’s really going on underneath your “shoulding” or “needing” on yourself. I was just recently with a client and one of the employees came in and said, “Do you meditate?” And I said, “Well, yes I do.” And he said, “I really need to start meditating.”
And obviously my little radar went up and I asked, “Hm, why do you need to start meditating?” He said, “Well, because it’ll help me be more focused.” So I asked, “What’s gonna happen if you’re not focused?” He replied by saying, “Well, if I’m not focused, then I can’t get as much work done.” “Okay,” I said. “So what happens if you don’t get as much work done?”
“Well, then I’m starting a new business and that new business could fail.” And I said, “So if you don’t meditate, your business will fail.” That’s how we link stuff up! But we’re not looking at that when we say it.
Most of the “I should’s” and “I need to’s” end in some sort of doom and gloom. So that’s the first problem. You might say “I should post to LinkedIn once a day.” But why? Why do you need to? “Well, so ____ and ____ and ____. But then if I don’t do that, then my business will fail.”
See, these are the problems with “should’s” and “need’s”. They drain your ability to see a rational outcome, and prevent us from having more energy.
Want more energy? Stop “shoulding” on yourself! TWEET THAT
So that’s the second problem, right? We have the most obvious first: it makes you feel terrible. The second thing is ending in doom and gloom.
Even with kids. “Oh, I’ve gotta be more patient because…” What does that mean? Why? “Well, because when they’re adults they’re gonna be completely screwed up because you weren’t patient in that moment!”
I’m not saying any of these aren’t good to do, but it’s not good to “should” on yourself. So, and then underneath that, or in addition to the doom and gloom part of the “should” and the “need,” what you’re really saying, what you’re really really saying about yourself is: I’m not good enough.
Not Good Enough
“I’m not enough.”
“Because I don’t meditate, I am not enough, and if I meditate, I will be enough.”
The truth is, you are enough simply because you breathe oxygen. You don’t need meditation to be enough. You don’t need to be patient to be enough. You already are enough because you exist, but every time you “should” on yourself or you say “I need,” what you’re actually really saying is “I’m not good enough. I am not enough.”
And that’s what’s really underneath all of that and that’s what’s tanking your energy. So what do you do? How do you get more energy?
How to Get More Energy
- Shift Your Self Talk
First of all, the most important thing is to have the awareness of what’s really going on when you’re “shoulding” on yourself, what this really means. Shift that language from “I should” to “I am really looking forward to being a more patient person. I really enjoy when I am patient.” Because there are times you are patient! You have just settled everything down and you are patient.
I mean, this goes for everything. “I should be more organized.” Well, okay. Is that something you should do, is that something you want to do? Maybe you just really don’t wanna be. Maybe this is not the time in your life to be more organized. So you “shoulding” on yourself isn’t helping.
Instead, say: “You know what, I love when I’m organized and right now that is just not an option to me.” So these things are more accurate, right? These things don’t cause you to feel horrible about yourself and they allow you the freedom for choice. You’ll instantly feel more energy by just being honest with yourself.
- Ask “Why?”
The second thing is to ask one additional question. When you hear yourself say “I should,” ask yourself why. “Why should I do that? I should be more patient with my kids. It really looks like this. I should be more patient! Why? Because I love my kids and I want to be more patient.”
Okay, so that’s a reasonable answer, right? But it doesn’t mean anything about you. It just means maybe you have a lot on your plate. Don’t make it mean anything about you. Just ask the “Why” so you can get a clear image of the situation – and so you can feel more energy just by clearing that space!
- Listen to Yourself
Listen for when those “should’s” pop up. Listen to yourself or have a loved one listen to how you talk. Have them also listen for when you say “I should” and when you say “I need.” Catch yourself.
“Oh, I should do this! Oh, look at that! Look at that, there’s me “shoulding” on myself!” Then use Step 2 to ask, “What’s going on with that?” So then you can really look at it, just have a quick conversation with yourself about it and check in with it.
There we go! Stop “shoulding” on yourself. I promise, you’ll feel more energy and more calm when you just take a moment to evaluate that inner voice that says “I should.”
I look forward to next video and seeing you again and, as you know, I appreciate you so much with all my heart.
And if this video aligned and resonated with you, please pass it along. Thanks so much! Bye bye!
About Tracey Gritz
Tracey Gritz is the founder and CEO of The Efficient Office. As a transformational coach and productivity expert, Tracey speaks, coaches and inspires working professionals around the world to align their time with the work and life of their soul so that they can live into their full potential. Tracey lives in Raleigh, NC with her husband. Her favorite thing to do is laugh, her favorite emotion is love/gratitude (they are symbiotic), and her two favorite hobbies are being out in nature and personal development. Connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.